I showed Roger pictures of himself when he was a baby when he was wearing the NAM device. He asked, "Why am I wearing that mask?" I never thought of it as a mask. But, I guess that is a good euphemism. He wore his "mask" for 20 weeks starting when he was just 2 weeks old. It is actually called a few names. Obturator is one of them, and NAM device or Nasoaveolar molding device is the other. I called it a retainer when people would look questioningly at my baby. The idea was to align the tissues to make them more favorable for surgery. It was strange taking my newborn to the dentist, but it was really a blessing just to be there with other moms that were in the same boat as me. For some moms, it was their first baby. For others (like me), it was their second, the first having no cleft issues. I looked at each of the moms to determine if we shared any common traits as a way of maybe explaining how the cleft came to be. But, of course, we were all different -- different ages, different nationalities, and different personalities.
One mom didn't find out their baby had a cleft until after she was born. Even though it was difficult to find out the news during a sonogram, I was later grateful to know ahead of time so I could prepare. I scoured the internet for information, talked to surgeons, went to a cleft clinic, and talked to other moms with babies who had clefts -- all before Roger was born.
When I look back on this time, I remember feeling overwhelmed and scared. But one thing helped me once I realized this: It wasn't about me. It was about him. He was going to have to deal with all of the problems associated with clefts and he needed me to be his advocate, his rock, and of course, his mom.
Roger at 3 weeks old in his Snuggle Nest. He needed to sleep propped up at a slight angle to keep from spitting up.
Furrowing his brow at me at 3 months old. I sure don't miss all that tape!
This is Roger performing Wiggles & Giggles. I love this picture. It's pure joy.
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